In
a few hours, I leave for an Andean adventure. 4 Weeks in Chile, 2 in
Peru. I'll take tons of pics, and I'll post a photoblog address when I
get the chance...but I'll be (even more) out of touch for a bit...kind
of centering myself. (Especially when I visit "Sacsayhuaman" in Cuzco,
Pedu...what the Inca called the "Navel of the World"...talk about a
place to center yourself...)
OK...I personally have become a big fan of verbing recently. For those of you unfamiliar with this relatively simple process, it's simply making verbs out of nouns (or sometimes adjectives or adverbs, but mostly nouns) and passing them off in everyday speech as if everyone should know about them. Well, Lisa just won the award for Best Verbing Ever (by leaving it in the infinitive, no less...):
Lisa: [leaning out from the bathroom doorway with a brush in her hand and a frustrated look on her face] To tam o'shanter or not to tam o'shanter?
"When I itches, I scratches...and when I'm bored, I reads matches..."
OK...now I remember watching reruns of The Electric Company as a kid...vaguely. (TEC and 3-2-1-Contact were for older kids, I was told... Me, I was more of a Sesame Street junkie) Anyway, I also was vaguely familiar with the fact that Morgan Freeman got his start on this groundbreaking educational program.
OK, I realize that if I'm going to ever grow, I need to be serious about what I've learned from my relationships. There's some things that I learn once and know...for certain. Other, I learn every time, only to forget again... Some things I probably never picked up on and should've. So...here it is. I think it's important if I'm going to learn and grow... (Sorry if I'm boring you to tears with a lot of this...but it's cathartic and therapeutic for me...)
Tara * I'm the kinda guy who needs real substance...someone intelligent and not airy. I learned that I can't interact with someone with fluff for brains and still hope to take myself seriously. * I learned what being hurt felt like, even if I really hadn't even learned what love was yet. * I learned that I need not to "settle"...if I didn't have a real interest in someone, I should let them know from the gitgo. And if I wanted someone else, I should go after them before it's too late.
Kristina * I learned what it felt like to truly love, and to be loved in return. * I learned that I sometimes have unreasonable expectations of people, especially on the basis of where they're from or what kind of upbringing they had. I learned I can't handle differences very well...I'm not accepting of others' dissimilarities from myself. * I first heard the words, "No matter what it is, if it wasn't your idea, you don't like it." I didn't believe it when I heard it, but I've learned that just about everyone SINCE Kristina has believed it about me as well. And I learned I'm blind to that fact. And I now know where I got that trait. *Glares at Dad with a Drea-patented 'Fist of Rage'...* * I learned what it felt like to have a broken heart. And I first learned how to accept that a true love was gone forever. * Our music was Simon and Garfunkel. It was all we'd listen to when we were first falling in love. I learned how to retain a bit more of myself, and also to not allow a breakup to steal away something the person taught me to love. I allowed myself to listen to it later and still appreciate it for the reasons I liked the songs in the first place. I learned to listen to music much more critically around that point in my life...to really HEAR the music and listen to WHY you like parts of it...arrangement, vocals, instrumentation, recording, harmony, "colors" of music... It helped make me the musical person I am today.
Amy *I learned what it felt like to have your entire world in one person. Your best friend, your roommate, your lover, your confidante, your past and present and future rolled up into one... And then I learned what kind of pressure and strain that puts on a relationship, and what normally-rational and loving people do to one another in situations of stress like this. * I learned that I really am as much of a slob as my father often accused me of being. * I learned that I'm no good at breaking up with someone...as I spent several years trying to talk myself into dumping her. I just hate pulling the trigger on someone I care for.
Becca * I learned to pull the trigger, and learned how liberating that can be. * I learned that you can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl. * I learned that I don't want or need to be someone's teacher and nurse and lifeline. I'll walk WITH you, but not FOR you... * The last time I bawled was when I broke up with Becca. Something in me changed...the way I walked, dressed, thought. What I look for. I got piercings and tattoos, I started interacting with my friends differently. It wasn't so much as this relationship as much as this breakup that really helped me grow and evolve.
Addie * Not much to complain about...it wasn't her fault, it was mine. What I did learn were lessons in how I treat someone if the relationship is put in a bubble (like ours was, by factors like distance and age difference). * I learned that I will sabotage something real if it's going too well. * I learned that, while age difference isn't that big a deal, 7+ years of age difference can grate on two people...it's a generational gap pretty hard to bridge consistently. * I learned that I don't deal well with someone who changes their entire world view for me. She didn't want to be changed, and I didn't want to change her...she changed herself to suit what I thought she should be. And, in reality, I liked who I met in the first place much better than the 'Galatea' that I'd created. (If you don't know who that is, go read your Greek mythology...I wrote a song about her called "Pygmalion", if that explains anything...) * I learned that I have a tendency to want to define and question the nature of a relationship too early on, rather than let it happen naturally. * I learned that Long-Distance relationships work...but only over finite periods of time. After a while the friction of distance really takes its toll.
Nadine * I learned that I should trust my instincts about someone...they're almost always right. * I like having my own space. I learned that I do better when I have a cave to escape to. * I liked living in the city. She hated that. (Loved the convenience for partying, but hated the city living...) I should not have sacrificed a way of life for her...I coulda found a way to keep that apartment or find another place nearby. Which leads me to... * I learned that sometimes I can feel so desperate to be settled and married and starting a family that I will make quick leaps into domestic situations when it's not really appropriate. Us moving in together was not planned...but I shoulda found another option. It's part of what killed us. * I already said this, but it begs repetition... Go with your instinct, Mike! Your gut said something was wrong from the gitco!!! * There needs to be SOME spark of curiosity in the other person. Some desire to know more than what they already know. I realized that I'm an info junkie, and I will languish with someone intellectually lazy. Not a value judgment on her as a person...I'm just really not meant to be with someone like that, and I lied to myself for a long time about it.
Where I'm at now is entirely different. A different KIND of relationship is in its infancy, and I've been swept up in someone who can best be described as a warm breeze on a cold day. The sunbeam shining through the cloud cover. Like finding a twenty dollar bill in the pocket of last winter's coat. I feel like I'm 16 again...and so does she...and apparently it shows, because everyone's TELLING us we're acting like we're 16. And you know why? Because I haven't experienced anything like this SINCE I was a teenager. This is different somehow. This is real. There's no alarms going off inside telling me ...something's wrong with this one, Mike...
Which leads me to the lesson I'm learning now... Take your damn time, Mike!!! There's no rush...let things develop at their own pace. Enjoy each moment for what it is.
That last part is something Lisa is teaching me...
Currently Listening Trouble By Ray LaMontagne "Hold You In My Arms" see related
